In my days of youth, from picking flowers and playing Go Fish to being taken on dates and crushing on boys, I adopted this absolute mad theory that it is utterly impossible to fall in love. Falling in love is unfeasible.

But I feel it.

I feel loved and I love in return.

I know that love is an action, but nobody can be in love. Just like how nobody can be in jump.

But I also know that it is real and very much alive in my life.

There are contrasting loves in this existence and some of those never perish.

Mine, I know, is unlikely to dwindle or weaken.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

The allurement and charm of it is captivating and spellbinding to say the least. I cannot phantom the words in the best way. Every time I bring it up, I chuckle a little, like right now, because I think it is so unique and scarce that many don’t dare to deem it real. Like I said earlier, however, there are different types of love in this world. Common or uncommon, weak or strong, strange or familiar. Let me put it this way: the way I love my mom is completely different than the way I love this boy.

We met at fairly young ages; he was 17 and I was just peeking through that pre-teen, young adult gap at a lovely 15 years old. I remember our encounter so clearly that every time the memory crosses my mind, I trick myself into falling under the impression that we met just the other weekend.

When we met, I didn’t think anything of it. “He’s cute!” was my first notion. And evidently, the feeling was mutual between the two of us. We attended a party as guests and were complete strangers prior to the festivity. But that’s what made everything so special. When we met, something clicked. I could not stop smiling that night. That night was so endearing that I compare it to those cheesy romance movies that air on Lifetime. I told a friend of mine that he caught my eye, and, just like that, she told other friends, including him, and in no time he was bulldozed and hounded by our friends into asking me to dance. I was embarrassingly bashful about it and timidly held hold of his hand as he guided me to the dancefloor. I was so shy, I think I failed to recall any word in the English dictionary. He initiated small-talk and eventually, I eased up. We progressed to chatting non-stop outside the building. As we sat on the stairsteps of a beautiful garden; I omitted the world surrounding me because I was so rapt and enthralled in him. And clearly, that remembrance is still stitched into my mind.

We built a friendship that very night and became Facebook friends, of course. We decided that since I didn’t live in the area, that would be our mean of communication. We kept in touch for a short period of time but drifted off and returned to our own realities. That’s such a shame.

SECOND GLANCE

Two years darted past and I visited the area again, thinking that we wouldn’t cross paths this time around, but man, was I inaccurate. We saw each other for the second time and at that exact moment, everything made sense. That’s when I became conscious of the fact that there was a vital reason behind why recollections of that night, two years ago, would appear in my head at the randomest times, and that reason is because I love this boy and what I experienced was love at first sight. When I say love, I don’t mean the “allow me to propose to you this very second so we may begin a far more advanced and serious relationship” love; it’s the “I love you as a best friend… but I’m also crushing on you,” and the “I would do anything for you and never expect a thing in return,” kind of love. I also get this sensational vibe that he feels the same way and yet again, just like the first time we met, the feeling is mutual between the two of us.

This is what I think it feels like to love and be loved. It plays with me emotionally and physically. It’s effects are so dramatic. They reach great heights and continue to surprise me every day. I find myself to be happier, kinder, and more loving with and to whoever I come in contact with.

I smile. A lot.

I have more confidence in myself.

I’m more carefree, but collective. I’m balanced.

Being able to love is a powerful outlet because it changes who I am as a person. Loving and being loved taught me to love others more than I can imagine, and to love myself. It showed me how to dream and to do anything and everything that I want to.

To do it with confidence, with effort, and to do it for myself.

It’s all the moments that make love so incredible.

It’s being an open-book and completely exposed to him, and feeling nothing but safety and comfort.

It’s being faced with life’s toughest decisions and have him there to support me.

It’s the way he looks at me and smiles or laughs.

The ache in my heart everytime I have to say goodbye.

To this day, I remain close friends with him. I wish our relationship could change into something grander. That takes time and I know that if I lasted two years without seeing or speaking to him, I can wait to see where life decides to take us in the future.