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stop.

I saw it. The first tweet posted about me. It hit me like a train. My heart raced in anticipation for what would come next. I was fearful of who would join the attack against me.

Reading these tweets made me feel bad about myself. Did people really think I looked like a dead animal? This ran through my mind on repeat. Is this how people perceived me? I became more self-conscious.

Refresh.

New tweet.

Refresh.

Three new tweets.

What did I do to deserve this?

I didn’t do anything wrong. They were not together. He was single. She was single. We were all at a party and it just happened. Why should this one situation define me?

Refresh.

New tweet: “she’s a ho.”

Refresh.

“What a downgrade, she looks like a dead [animal].”

I liked him. He liked me. We did what plenty of others have done. Why was I being singled out? Why was I the only one being shamed? He wasn’t being ridiculed in this, only me. It takes two to tango you know. Why is the girl always shamed?

Refresh.

10 more people joined the attack.

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

I cannot take it anymore.

I am not a slut. I don’t look like a dead animal. I didn’t do anything wrong. I genuinely liked him and now we are dating.  What is wrong with this? He didn’t have a girlfriend before. They weren’t together. They were just hooking up. She was ruining my life. I would go to school each day with more hatred for the days as they went by. No confrontation would occur in person, but more and more people began to gang up on me online.

I stopped checking Twitter… it was pointless. Why continue to make myself feel worse by checking it?

This whole situation was stupid. I felt awful about myself for no reason. I was being shamed for doing the exact same thing my critics have done. They were such hypocrites.

I am not a slut. I don’t look like a dead animal. I didn’t do anything wrong. I did not deserved to be shamed.

So why was she still trying to get revenge on me?

She caused me so much pain. She made me question myself and my self-appearance. She made me question my morals. She made me feel like crap. She recruited her friends to join in on the shaming and the revenge seeking.

She made false accusations about me, about my friends, about my family, but why? Because I got the boy she liked. She was being hypocritical. She has done this, and worse, to others before. I didn’t get it, and I still don’t.

Looking back, I realize I shouldn’t have gotten so down on myself. I shouldn’t have been so fixated on what others were saying about me on social media. None of it was true. None of it was justified.

Now, I kind of find this whole situation funny. I was shamed for no reason. People joined in on it just for the thrill of bringing someone else down. The exhilaration that comes with that kind of power enticed them.

If what happened to me had happened to my attacker she would be asking herself the same questions I was. She wouldn’t understand why it was happening because it’s something many girls, including her, have done. Just like me, she too would get down on herself. She would  become mad at the world, feel utterly awful. It isn’t something I would wish on anyone: to feel worthless without deserving it. I wouldn’t even wish it upon her.

Shaming needs to stop. Especially when it is one girl shaming another because then others get the idea that it is okay to do too. That it is okay to make others feel low even when their actions were justified.

I am not a slut. I don’t look like a dead animal. I didn’t do anything wrong. I did not deserve to be shamed. No one does.