Dating: Mutual Respect or Just Hooking Up?
High school relationships changed immensely since the days of holding doors and going steady.
More stories from Madison Paddock
Photo by Madison Paddock
PAST
Many long for the simplicity of the past. Some dream of a moonlit walk home, sheepishly holding hands for the first time and being walked to the doorstep, with nothing more than a kiss on the cheek to say ‘goodnight.’ Relationships of the past were simple, loving and pure. Deep down, everyone wants to have a fairytale, old-fashioned love and to meet their “high school sweet heart.”
Contrary to popular belief, high school sweethearts are not just made up for the movies. Although it may not happen as often anymore, many lucky couples found love when they were just teenagers. Antioch Community High School ILC clerk Kathleen Stewart met the love of her life in high school back in the 1970s, and their old-fashioned love story is that of a fairy tale.
“I had absolutely no doubts and I couldn’t wait to be married to my best friend. There was never a time that I doubted that I had made the right choice,” Stewart said. “[On our first date] we went to a pre-season Bears football game with friends. We had a really great time. It was after about a month of hanging out at school and talking on the phone everyday.”
Relationships of the past were pure and innocent, unlike the changed standards of relationships in recent days, where hooking up and sex are what relationships are based upon.
Stewart said, “We did a lot with other friends, and totally avoided parties with make-out sessions and alcohol.”
Stewart and her husband are still together today and happier than ever. Their love has not died out through the years, and one simply has to wonder what made their relationship so successful.
Stewart said, “Decide ahead of time where you want to stand with your relationships. Make wise choices, as the decisions you make can and will effect the rest of your life. Have people in your life hold you accountable to your convictions. If you don’t, you are more than likely going to follow the crowd or the current trend.”
Maybe those perfect high school relationships of the past can be attainable in this age with the right amount of respect and wise decisions.
PRESENT
‘Hooking up,’ ‘talking,’ ‘a thing,’ ‘it’s complicated.’ These are all terms used to describe high school relationships in the present. Dating became much more complicated than it ever was in the past. No one ‘goes steady’ anymore and actual dates are few and far between. It is rare that a boy asks a girl out to get ice cream and promises to get her home before dark. More often than not, relationships start and end after one night. Call it a change in values or blame it on technology, old fashioned simple relationships are truly becoming a thing of the past.
Many relationships in this day and age revolve much more around sex than they did in the past. “Friends with benefits” and “one night stands” were never a thing back in the day when a couple’s first kiss was still a huge step in their relationship.
“I feel really sad about how relationship values have changed so much. There is a lot less emphasis on love and more emphasis on the physical aspects. People don’t take sex as a serious thing anymore,” said junior Jaylene Sparks.
The emphasis and the pressure for physical aspects in a relationship caused a loss of respect in many relationships. People are used, people get hurt and people aren’t treated appropriately. Relationships are sup- posed to be about respect and love but many turned into the opposite. Too many people are only in relationships for the physical aspects and once they get what they want, they leave.
“People nowadays hook up too often and guys just don’t respect girl the same way they did in the past,” junior Mardochee Kamanga said.
With this loss of respect comes a much higher frequency of cheating. If someone doesn’t get what they want out of a relationship, they are quick to go and be unfaithful to their significant other. Cheating became so common and many blame it on the media’s glorification of it.
Sparks said, “Relationships are flawed in today’s society because a lot of people don’t take the relationships they’re in seriously anymore. Bad examples in the media cause people to think that it’s cool and acceptable to cheat.”
It is very true that the media makes cheating seem normal and acceptable. Popular television shows portray high school and college relationships as a new hook-up every night, and celebrities are constantly publicized and getting attention for being unfaithful.
“The influence of reality TV makes it look normal to hook-up with anyone after just meeting them,” said ILC clerk Kathleen Stewart.
Whatever the causes or the effects may be, dating is certainly not as simple or as innocent as it used to be in the past.
FUTURE
There seems to be a fork in the road, and that the future of relationships could go one of two ways. There could continue to be more and more hookups and “friends with benefits” situations, cheating could become socially acceptable and respect could become virtually extinct. Or, older, traditional dating values could make a comeback and help high school relationships improve and become more respectable again.
There are countless traditions and ideals of relationships from the past that have went of style. Junior Mardochee Kamanga thinks respect for your significant other and their family should come first.
Kamanga said, “An old fashioned habit that should be brought back is when a guy would ask a girl’s father for permission to date her.”
Sparks believes patience is the key.
“I think in today’s relationships people should wait to have sex with someone they love, like they did in the past,” said Sparks.
Maybe traditional dates, bringing flowers to your significant other, holding the door and having genuine respect for your partner will make a comeback in the near future. One thing is for sure, it will be very interesting to see what high school relationships will be like when this generation’s children are in high school.